Please note that we have included (at the bottom of this page) two Accessing Support documents. If it becomes necessary, we hope that these documents will inform and guide you in deciding how best to access support for your child or a family member. Should the school need to make a referral for external support, this will be done in line with the school safeguarding policies and procedures and the family of the child will be updated at the first available opportunity. The school always aims to work in partnership with parents and carers, to achieve the best outcomes for the child.

Accessing Internal Support for your child at St Bede's School

Accessing External support

Alateen

Offers support for young people who have relatives and friends that are alcoholics. Alateen is part of Al-anon who provide support for those who have been affected by alcohol.

Email support is available via their online contact form.
Opening times: 10am - 10pm, seven days a week
Phone: 0800 008 6811
Alateen

Al-Anon Family Groups

Support for anyone whose life is, or has been, affected by someone else’s drinking. You can call the helpline for support, or find a local support meeting. You can also find meetings for 12-17 year-olds. 

Opening times: 10am - 10pm, 365 days a year
0800 0086 811
helpline@al-anonuk.org.uk

Alcoholics Anonymous

Offers local support groups for people to share their experiences and solve their problem of alcoholism. 

Opening times: 24/7
Phone: 0800 9177650
Email: help@aamail.org
Alcoholics Anonymous

Big Deal

A place for young people to find information and support related to gambling, either for themselves or someone they care about.

Phone: Call the National Gambling Helpline for free on 0808 8020 133 (24 hours, every day).

https://bigdeal.org.uk/

Cocaine Anonymous

Provides information for anyone who needs support and advice about drug addiction.

Opening times: 10am to 10pm, seven days a week. You can leave a message 24/7 and they will contact you as soon as they can.
Phone: 0800 612 0225
Email: helpline@cauk.org.uk
https://www.cocaineanonymous.org.uk/
Surrey and Southwest London District https://sswl.cocaineanonymous.org.uk/ 

Drink Aware

Provide support, information and advice about the impact of alcohol on you, your family or friends.

Free webchat service available (hours vary).
Opening times: 9am - 8pm, Monday - Friday; 11am - 4pm, weekends
Phone: 0300 123 1110
Drinkaware

Frank

Provides honest information about drugs and alcohol.

Live chat service also available (2pm - 6pm, 7 days a week).
Find information on accessibility, confidentiality and cost.
Opening times: 24/7
Phone: 0300 123 6600
Text: 82111
Email: frank@talktofrank.com
Talk to Frank

Nacoa

Provides information, advice and support for anyone affected by a parent’s drinking.

Phone: 0800 358 3456
Email: helpline@Nacoa.org.uk
https://nacoa.org.uk/

Surrey Young People's Substance Misuse Service

Catch22 Surrey Young people’s Substance Misuse Service (SYPSMS) is a county-wide specialist treatment service for young people aged up to 25. We offer free and confidential advice and support.

Visit page 01372 832905
Email: ypsm@catch-22.org.uk
Refer yourself Refer family or a friend Refer a client
Volunteering opportunities Placement opportunities
https://www.catch-22.org.uk/surrey-substance-misuse-young-persons-information-page

Quit vaping/smoking

Support and guidance on how to become smokefree or to quit vaping is available to all ages.

https://teen.smokefree.gov/quit-vaping
https://teen.smokefree.gov/become-smokefree

We Are With You

Offers free, confidential support to people experiencing issues with drugs, alcohol or mental health.

Free webchat service available.
Opening times: 9am - 9pm, Monday to Friday; 10am - 4pm, Weekends
We Are With You

General support

Childline

If you’re under 19 you can confidentially call, chat online or email about any problem big or small.

Sign up for a free Childline locker (real name or email address not needed) to use their free 1-2-1 counsellor chat and email support service.

Can provide a BSL interpreter if you are deaf or hearing-impaired.

Hosts online message boards where you can share your experiences, have fun and get support from other young people in similar situations.

Opening times: 24/7
Phone: 0800 11 11
Childline

The Mix

Offers online information as well as helpline support to under-25s about anything that’s troubling them.

Email support is available via their online contact form.
Free 1-2-1 webchat service and telephone helpline available.
Opening times: 4pm - 11pm, seven days a week
Phone: 0808 808 4994
The Mix

Bereavement

At least 10,000 children have been bereaved of a primary caregiver across the UK due to the pandemic (Lancet, 2021) and statistics from 2015 suggest 600 children in Surrey are bereaved of a parent every year.

We sadly recognise that a number of students and their families within our school community have been affected over the last few years.

There are a variety of resources available to students and their families so that no child has to suffer a loss without support. If you have concerns about a child after the loss of a caregiver or close family member, please do not hesitate to contact their tutor in the first instance.

Below are some links to resources, that we hope you will find helpful.

www.jigsawsoutheast.org.uk - Supporting children through the loss of a loved one. They have a telephone helpline 01342 313895 for support and advice. Or you can email info@jigsawsoutheast.org.uk.

https://childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/if-you-need-help-around-death - Advice and guidance for bereaved children, young people, their families and communities.

Terminal illness

Below you can find a guide about supporting children and young people when someone close to them has a terminal illness. Please do let your child’s tutor or head of year know, so that we can provide support to them during school time should they need it.

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/globalassets/media/documents/how-we-can-help/booklets-pdfs-only/supporting-children-young-people-when-someone-has-a-terminal-illness.pdf

St Bede's School will not tolerate any form of bullying. We believe that students and staff have the right to learn and work in a safe and caring environment which promotes personal growth and confidence for all. 

Please see our Behaviour for learning policy here.

Students have a number of support options in school including: tutor, Head of Year, our chaplains, Behaviour and Student Support staff (F22), any member of staff they feel comfortable talking to.

The links below are to various resources available outside of school who provide advice for students and parents/carers.

Advice from Childline
https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/

Advice from https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/bullying

National Bullying Helpline
Helpline: 0300 323 0169           Telephone: 0845 225 5787
We are open from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday

https://www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/kids.html

Advice from kidscape.org.uk

Tootoot app is a safe and private place where students can talk about anything that is worrying them. It’s an alternative method of reporting any issues and is anonymous (or you can leave your name). Students can download the App on their phone.

Advice from Young Minds - https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/coping-with-life/bullying/

Talking teens parenting course - click here to find one local to you.

For advice and information for parents on challenging behaviour, see the guidance below.

challenging-behaviour-in-children-created-may-2020.pdf

Internal support

Dotty - School counsellor with the Valley Trust

The Valley Trust counselling service with Dotty is an internal resource. This means that students can self-refer without parental consent, but generally school will update parents and/or encourage the child to share information with their parents. Parents can make a request for their child to see Dotty (you can do this through a conversation with your child's Head of Year). Dotty is in school all day on a Tuesday and Thursday and can make provision for ‘emergency cases’, where necessary. Dotty usually does a 6 week intervention (one session a week), this can be negotiated depending on the need of the student. Primarily Dotty works 1:1 with students, but would consider offering sessions with a child and parents/carers where necessary and appropriate. This would be decided on an individual case basis. Dotty can also support a child whilst they are awaiting a more permanent avenue of support (eg: CAMHS). Please note that we always advise that a child only ever see one person in a therapeutic capacity, therefore, if your child is waiting to access support elsewhere, sessions with Dotty would only be appropriate until a time when the other support begins. Dotty will report any Safeguarding concerns to a member of the Safeguarding team at school.

Mental Health Support Team (MHST)

Mental Health Support Team provides a service aimed at supporting students experiencing issues like low mood, worries, stress, anxiety, and sleep problems. MHST is rooted in the NHS Mindworks Surrey provision as well as being linked to CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Service). If you think MHST might be of help, please speak to your child's tutor in the first instance.

External support

YMCA Heads Together provides a free and confidential counselling service to young people aged 11-24 in East Surrey and works in partnership with Mindsight Surrey CAMHS.

www.ymcaeastsurrey.org.uk

CYPHaven provides a safespace to talk about concerns, worries, and mental health. They also run small group workshops discussing different mental health topics.

https://www.cyphaven.net/

Lucy Raynor Foundation - aims to raise awareness of the signs and symptoms of depression and mental health challenges especially in young adults. They offer six sessions of free 1:1 counselling for people aged 14+.  https://thelucyraynerfoundation.com/free-counselling/

Fegans (https://www.fegans.org.uk/) is a registered charity, offering free counselling for children, young people and/or parents.

They work with children offering counselling and supporting parents with parenting.  Fegans is also able to provide Family Sessions in the Surrey Base, depending on individual needs.

The Head office is based in Tunbridge Wells and the service offers support across Surrey, East Grinstead, West Kent, East Kent, East Sussex Banbury and Oxford.  Ideally, self/family referrals are most appropriate and therefore, St Bede's will be recommending this service to our students and families, should they require support.

At St Bede’s we strive to recognise and promote inclusion and to be progressive with our policies and the education which we provide to our students.

There has been an increased level of demand for us as a leadership team to reflect on the provision for students who identify as being part of the LGBTQ+ community. These students are very much part of our community too.

We recognise that some students during their time at school will wish to explore their identity and express themselves. St Bede’s should be a safe place for them to do this. Young people should be able to trust their school, teachers, friends and peers with the reassurance that they will be accepted and loved for who they are.

Eikon - provides friendly confidential support to young people who identify as LBGTQ+ and their families. Eikon.org.uk

The Proud Trust - helps LGBTQ+ young people empower themselves and to make positive changes for themselves and their communities. theproudtrust.org

Mermaids UK - provide a safe space for transgender, non-binary, and gender diversseyoung people to find support. https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/young-people/

Switchboard - provide information, support and a referral service for LGBTQ+ people or anyone considering issues around their sexuality and/or gender identity.

www.switchboard.lgbt
Helpline: 0300 330 0630

 

Parent wellbeing

Parenting can be rewarding, but it can also be challenging. The links below have parenting tips for all stages of your child's life, as well as advice on how to deal with difficult situations:

• NSPCC - https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/
• Young Minds - https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-guide-to-looking-after-yourself/
• Family Lives - https://www.familylives.org.uk/
• Surrey CC - https://www.surreycc.gov.uk/children/support-and-advice/families/support-and-advice

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is the intentional act of harming oneself in order to release inner turmoil and is a very secretive act.

It is a flawed coping mechanism in which teenagers engage to release inner anguish and distress as they are unable, or afraid, to express verbally how they are feeling.

Engaging in self-harm can cause more distress as the person embarks on a vicious cycle of trying to hide his/her wounds and scars coupled with feelings of guilt and shame, thus exacerbating the distress and turmoil that prompted the self-harming initially.

Acts of self-harm include: cutting, scratching, breaking bones, biting, pulling out hair, hitting self, burning self and poisoning.

The tell-tale signs a teenager may be self-harming

• Self-harming can be difficult to detect because of its secretive nature. The following signs may indicate that a teenager is self- harming:
• Looking for excuses not to engage in PE and sports activities like swimming
• Noticeable change in character
• Talking about him/herself in a negative way
• Unexplained wounds, scars and bruises
• Wearing long-sleeved tops and long trousers even in hot weather
• Disappearing more than usual and spending longer periods of time in his/her room, and locking the door
• More frequent and longer periods of time spent in the bathroom
• Lack of engagement with friends
• Noticeable collection of instruments that can cause injury and facilitate cutting
• A collection of plasters, soothing creams and antiseptics hidden in his/her room
• Blood spots on clothing and bed linen (turn clothes inside out to check)
• Refusing to go clothes shopping
• Finding laxatives in room, plus weight loss, and vomiting
• Reacting passively and retreating to room when challenged on an issue
• Looking for reasons to avoid family functions and seeking opportunities to be home alone more constantly and frequently.

What to do if you discover your child is self-harming

Discovering that a teenager is self-harming can be a daunting experience. You may feel afraid, angry and disgusted.

On discovering a teenager is self-harming, action needs to be taken in a proactive rather than a reactive manner:

• Attend to your own feelings; do not approach a teenager about your suspicions or observations until you are more relaxed and grounded.
• Approach with compassion and understanding.
• Time your approach; wait until you have the teenager alone and are sure you won’t be interrupted.
• Engage in a dialogue and outline your concerns in terms of what you have noticed. For example, ‘Sarah, I wanted to have a chat with you. I have noticed that you are not yourself and I am worried about you.’
• Now be direct: ‘I have noticed that you have marks on your arm and I am wondering if you are self-harming.’
• Do not get into a power struggle. The teenager will probably become defensive. Expect this reaction and remain composed and empathetic.
• Remember, the teenager will be struggling with his/her own feelings, which may include shame, anger and anxiety.
• Keep dialogue going. Let the teenager know you are there to help, not judge, and that you appreciate this is difficult for them.
• Outline what will happen next. For example, ‘We will make an appointment with the doctor. We will find a therapist that will help you and I will support you all the way. We are in this together.’

If you are a parent who has discovered your child is self-harming, do not ignore what you have discovered. You may need to get emotional support yourself. It is advised that you engage with a service that can support you and your child.

Listen, listen and listen! Do not get angry and judge; this will cause the teenager to close off from you and intensify his/her inner turmoil.  Let him/her know you are aware of what is going on and appreciate he/she is in pain and you want to help.

Do not issue ultimatums in relation to stopping the self-harming behaviours. The act of self-harming is a coping mechanism and teenagers will not be able just simply to stop until the reasons for their actions have been uncovered and coping mechanisms that are more positive/nurturing have been developed through professional intervention.

Get professional help by engaging with a service that can support the teenager appropriately.

Websites with helpful guidance for parents

Young Minds

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/a-z-guide/self-harm/

This site also directs you to a number of common mental health and behaviour concerns in children and young people aged 1-25. https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/a-z-guide/

www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/my-feelings/self-harm

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/self-harm/getting-help

Harmless.org.uk

The Royal College of Psychiatrists

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/parentsandyouthinfo/parentscarers/self-harm.aspx

Separation and Divorce

Separation may involve bad feelings between parents and their families. Children can pick up on this, which may make them confused or unhappy, so these links provide some guidance on how to manage this difficult time:

• NSPCC - https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/separation-and-divorce/
• Family Lives - https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/thinking-about-divorce/finding-support-during-divorce-separation
• Young Minds - https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/divorce/

Building Connections is an online service run by the NSPCC for young people up to the age of 19, empowering them to find a way through loneliness.

Young people work with a trained befriender, who guides them and champions them each step of the way over 11 weeks. Building Connections gives young people tools that can help them build their confidence and better equip them to manage loneliness.

If you feel this would be something that would benefit your child, please contact their Head of Year in the first instance. Referrals to the Service need to be made by school.

A young carer is someone aged up to 18 years, who has an unpaid caring role for a family member or friend, usually someone with a disability or a long-term health problem (including mental illness, or a drug or alcohol addiction). Young carers may help out in a number of different ways and often take on practical and/or emotional caring responsibilities that would normally be expected of an adult.

Although many young carers cope well, around a third experience difficulties which can impact on their education. These may include getting to school, concentrating in lessons, meeting schoolwork deadlines, and completing assignments. Over time, this can have a considerable impact upon their ability to achieve qualifications and to move into further education and careers.

St Bede’s supports young carers, who may be identified via self or parent referral. If you think that your child, or any child at St Bede’s is a young carer, please let us know and we can offer support. One in twelve young person is a carer, so they are not alone.

Examples of type of support in place at St Bede’s:

• Talking to a teacher at St Bede’s who will listen and act as an ‘advocate’ in school, to assist, represent the young person with their teachers and signpost to additional support services;
• The possibility to speak to our school counsellor.

The chaplaincy team lead in this area and liaises with ‘Surrey Young Carers’, who may be able to provide additional support out of school. Please contact the school using the email address amo@st-bedes.surrey.sch.uk.

Surrey Young Carers (SYC) is a charitable service working across the county to support young carers. Surrey Young Carers employ education advisers who can go into school and talk with young carers. SYC also works with schools to help them support young carers, and can offer school assemblies and teacher training to raise awareness of the issues facing young carers regarding their education. SYC takes referrals and can work with young carers to give them some respite from their caring role. This may be days out, trips and activities. They also offer small groups and workshops to help address particular issues. All of these give young carers the chance to meet other young people in a similar situation.

For more information on Surrey Young Carers please call 01483 568269 or visit www.surrey-youngcarers.org.uk.

Other useful websites for support are http://carers.org.uk and http://www.youngminds.org.uk/for_parents/worried_about_your_child/young_carers/about_young_carers  

NHS Support 

A huge list of mental health and wellbeing support for all ages.

NHS Health Surrey: First Steps: emotional health and mental wellbeing advice and support guide

The First Steps guide offers a range of advice, information and self-help techniques that we all can use to help support our emotional and mental well-being.

Kooth

Kooth is a free online service that offers emotional and mental health support for children and young people. You can have a "drop-in" chat with a counsellor or therapist or book a one-to-one session.

Resources Hub

This is a list of local resources to access for any safeguarding and wellbeing support.

Anna Freud Centre

Anna Freud aims to create a world where children and families are supported effectively to build on their strengths and to achieve their goals in life.

Anxiety UK

Charity providing support if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety condition. Phone: 03444 775 774 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5.30pm).

Action for Happiness

Action for Happiness helps people take action for a happier and kinder world through effective resources and support.

Headspace

Less stressed. More resilient. Happier. It all starts with just a few minutes a day.

My Teen Brain

Advice and support tips for parents of teenagers.

Men's Health Forum

24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.

Mind

Mind promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems. Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm).

Shout

To start a conversation, text the word 'SHOUT' to 85258.

Young Minds

Information about challenges parents face with teenagers and how to deal with issues as they arise.

If you think that someone is an imminent risk to themselves or others, call the emergency services on 999.